Substitution is the act of replacing one person or thing with another. Often, when people cannot access real, meaningful relationships, they find something else to fill the void. Addictions, for example, are common substitutes for unmet needs in the self. Drugs, food, sex, or even work may take the place of love, connection, or spiritual fulfillment. These substitutes act as defenses against our true need for connection—with other people and with God. Telling someone to simpl

“Yield Myself to God to Bring This Good News to Others” Choice 8: The Sharing Choice — Recycling Your Pain for God’s Purpose Many people assume that God only uses the gifted, the strong, and the extraordinary. But Scripture shows us the opposite: God delights in using ordinary, imperfect, weak people. He says, “My power works best in weakness.”  When we allow others to see our honesty and vulnerability, God gets the glory. People don’t connect with our strengths—they connect

Idealization  is the act of viewing someone or something as perfect—or far more perfect than it really is. In psychological terms, idealization is a defense mechanism that helps a person cope with discomfort, insecurity, or unmet emotional needs. It is closely related to fantasy , which we discussed earlier, because both involve escaping reality and replacing it with a more comforting internal picture. While idealization may feel positive at first, it often creates patterns t

Choice 7: Maintaining Momentum – The Growth Choice Reserve a daily time with God for self-examination, Bible reading, and prayer in order to know God and His will for my life and to gain the power to follow His will. Recovery doesn’t end with insight. It requires maintenance. If we don’t stay alert, we can easily drift back into old self-defeating patterns. This drift is called relapse . The Predictable Pattern of Relapse Phase 1: Complacency We get comfortable. One day we st

Mania  is an excitement of psychotic proportions that shows itself through mental and physical hyperactivity, disorganization of behavior, and an elevated mood that feels impossible to slow down. In the realm of emotional and spiritual growth, mania is not always the clinical diagnosis we hear about in psychiatry. Sometimes it shows up in subtle, everyday ways — especially among people who are trying hard not  to need anything. Many people stay intensely busy because slowing

Evaluate all my relationships. Offer forgiveness to those who have hurt me and make amends for harm I’ve done to others — except when doing so would harm them or others. “Happy are those who are merciful to others.”“Happy are those who work for peace.” Choice 6 is about relational repair . Today we courageously look at the broken places between us and other people — not to judge ourselves, not to regret our past — but to evaluate  our patterns honestly so we can heal. This ch

Reaction formation  is a defense mechanism in which a person behaves in the exact opposite  way of what they truly feel, want, or need. It’s not usually intentional — it is an unconscious strategy the mind uses to protect itself from feelings that feel dangerous, shameful, or too vulnerable to acknowledge. What Reaction Formation Looks Like Someone who feels deeply lonely may present themselves as fiercely independent.S omeone who longs for connection may preach against “need

The Transformation Choice Voluntarily submit to every change God wants to make in my life and humbly ask Him to remove my character defects. Many of us have lived the cycle: You start a diet… and then fall off. You leave an unhealthy relationship… then drift into another one. You quit smoking… then pick it up again. You stay away from gambling… and then fall right back in. We return to the old patterns we hate, not because we want to, but because our autopilot is still progra

Projection is a psychological defense mechanism in which we attribute our own thoughts, feelings, or unmet needs to someone else. Instead of acknowledging what is happening inside of us, we “project” it outward onto others. For example: A person who feels inadequate may accuse others of judging them. A caretaker may meet their own needs vicariously by projecting them onto others, rather than honestly owning their desires or limitations. Projection is subtle, and most of the t

✨ CHOICE 4: Openly Examine and Confess My Faults “Openly examine and confess my faults to myself, to God, and to someone I trust.” A pure heart is a free heart—a heart no longer weighed down by guilt, shame, or the secrets we’ve tried to hide. Purity isn’t perfection. It’s honesty. It’s courage. It’s the willingness to stop running from our past and finally bring everything into the light. Choice 4 is where true freedom begins. ⭐ What Guilt Does to Us Guilt slowly destroys us

Choice 3: Consciously Choose to Commit All My Life and Will to Christ’s Care and Control “Letting Go: The Commitment Choice” No matter how hard we try, we eventually discover that we cannot fix ourselves. We begin with guilt over our behavior. We tell ourselves, “I should be able to change… I ought to be able to get out of this.”  But we can’t — and our guilt turns to anger. As time passes, anger becomes fear — fear that nothing will ever change. Our hurts, hang-ups, and habi

🌿 Celebrate Recovery: Step 1 The First Choice — Realize I’m Not God “I admit that I am powerless to control my tendency to do the wrong thing and that my life is unmanageable.” “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.” — Matthew 5:3 (NIV) 💡 Introduction: Facing the Truth Part of our human nature is to resist change until our pain exceeds our fear of change. We deny, minimize, or ignore our pain until it becomes unbearable—and only then do we fin